I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize