Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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