I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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