There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
