Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
