Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
