ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
