Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize