I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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