i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
