I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
