what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize