If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
