I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
