just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My pussy is not your playground.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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