Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize