and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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