There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
