I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Barsexuality is the new black.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
