So drunk its hurt
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
