ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
