Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
