Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
