At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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