I'm going to rape someone's good day.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
