The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
