hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
