To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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