I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
