How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
