I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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