Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
sarcasm needs its own font
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
