mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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