i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize
