That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
