I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i wish my penis had a tongue
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
