I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
