We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
