guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
