they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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