Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
