i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
