So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
