please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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