im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
