Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
