So drunk, too bad you don't want this
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
