Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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