You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Randomize
