I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This is the high leading the old right now
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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