i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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