piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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