You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize