I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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