Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
how does that bad decision feel?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize