I just cut my nipple shaving
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So much rum. So many feels.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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