I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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