hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize