I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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