Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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