There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
