She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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