like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
