you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
