Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
