I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
