I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize