Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
