were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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