I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dicks are not precious.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize