you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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