i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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