I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
