he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
