Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
