You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
