Don't you send me to vm
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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