I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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