well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
