i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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