she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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