So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He passed out mid-signature
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
