Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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