Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
