I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
