Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
