I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
