your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
her vagine was all disorganized.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
