I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
