I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
