listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
