wanna go halves on a baby?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
