True but thats because hes a fetus.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
