Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
