I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize