Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
