I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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