I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
