Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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