Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
