fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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