Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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