Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
